Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Way it is Today

A curious thing has happened. I find that the red flags that I normally watch for to ascertain whether or not Bonnie is about to have an episode are appearing again - this time, however, they are appearing in regard to myself.

I have trouble arising from bed; I have no real desire to. My appetite has diminished appreciably. Pursuits that would normally give me enjoyment hold little or no attraction for me. My ability to maintain concentration is not what it should be. There is a sense of surreality to my existence that has heretofore not been present, and I find myself listening more closely to neighborhood sounds than is my usual wont. If I saw these behavioral traits manifesting in connection to Bonnie, I would be on the phone to her therapist soonest.

But they are occurring to me.

I cannot afford this. I don't need this shit. The weather is rough enough without adding this to it. Nevertheless, I'm going to try to ride the storm out.

Items that appear here will be instigated by Bonnie, except for the occasional puzzle. I find them to be about the only things that, at present, hold any interest whatsoever for me, and I will cling to anything to get through this. Wish me luck.




mtrib2 said...

I think it is a step in the right direction that you have identified the signs of an impending attach Walt.    I am taking Lexapro for depression and Strattera for AADD which in combination seem to keep me focused and able to do things that are positive and beneficial in my attempts to have organization.     I will feel so much better when I am able to clear away so much 'stuff' accumulating in my home and feel a sense of right where everything is.    I have so many spiderwebs on my ceilings that need a broom and vacumn.    Today I am going to repair the insulation around my water PVC pipe that was broken (the pipe itself) last summer by my worker.    He is on SSDI for a mental problem.     His concentration is at times non-existant yet he thinks he has it under control.     He will start talking about something unrelated to the work and not stop and makes mistakes from not concentrating on what he is doing.    Also I get tired of the same stories he tells over and over.      However he is all I can afford and I would not have any work done without him doing the lifting and he is dependable on showing up.     I have to keep a tight rein on him but at times he comes up with valuable ideas about the job.    I am developing supervisorly skills!    mark

mutualaide said...

Walt.  Bonnie.  Gaghahahgha!  You are right, you don't need this right now.  (or ever).  What can I do to help you get through?