Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Tri-Town Area Extraordinary Police Blotter Extravaganza (Part 1)

We’d like to mention that we’re going to miss Kathy’s entries; she is entering a sabbatical period and will not be writing in her journal for awhile. We will anxiously be awaiting her eventual return to J-land. We send our blessings and best wishes to her, and hope that others of you will do the same. In the meantime, she has kindly sent us a wealth of material that, we believe, she meant us to scrutinize with the object of rendering it in our own (hopefully unique) fashion.

Police blotters often include, amidst the dross of domestic squabbles, valuables and vehicles stolen, and countless DUIs, rare gems of oddities that we cannot seem to refrain from commenting upon. Without further ado, we offer up a special out-of-town entry, herewith entitled

The Tri-Town Area (Boxford, Middleton, Topsfield, MA) Extraordinary Police Blotter Extravaganza

(These entries are taken from the estimable local journal Village Reporter, covering events in the Tri-Town area - instead of organizing them by date and/or town, we prefer to categorize them by occurrence and topic, because that method seems to offer a more cohesive layout than might otherwise be the case.)

To begin - some individual entries can be seen to form a logical sequence, as in this instance (from Middleton) -

Aug. 4: 10:30 pm - resident complains of loud party on Emerson Lane.

Aug. 5: 12:05 am - noise complaint, Emerson Lane, nothing found.

We must presume that the party broke up.

Or this (also from Middleton) -

Aug. 2: 9:49 pm - attempted to serve restraining order on River Road.

Aug. 3: 7:29 am - restraining order served on River Road.

Evidently the party was out for most of the night. We applaud the persistence of the police.

This sequence indicates that some individual or group had a busy day in Boxford -

Aug. 3: 6:43 am - Lakeshore road resident reports that air conditioning unit at house was paintballed overnight.

7:20 am - Lakeshore Road resident complaint that vehicle and house had been paintballed.

2:06 pm - residence paintballed on Lakeshore Road.

7:12 pm - Lakeshore Road residence reported paintballed.

7:18 pm - residence on Lakeshore Road hit with paintballs.

We're guessing that the reporter grew tired of finding various ways to describe identical incidents. And someone really had issues with the residents of Lakeshore Road.

In Middleton, the East Street beach would appear to be sacrosanct -

Aug. 1: 4:59 pm - officers asked non-resident to leave town beach area on East St.

6:20 pm - resident reports dogs on town beach, gone when police arrived.

Aug. 2: 7:05 pm - caller reported to Animal Control, three dogs running around beach on East St. Party leaving when Sgt. Jones arrived.

And also in the non-resident category -

Aug. 2: 12:23 pm - resident reports people jumping off Thunder Bridge and parking lot crowded with non-residents.

Damn those dogs and non-residents!

We must wonder if there is any correlation here, also from Middleton -

Aug. 9: 3:45 pm - skateboarders asked to move along from sidewalk on Lake St.

Aug. 10: 7:00 am - malicious destruction on Lake St.

This has to be our favorite sequence, from Topsfield -

Aug. 12: 9:59 pm - loud party, River Road.

10:20 pm - noise complaint, River Road.

10:43 pm - River Road complaint, music turned back on after officer leaves.

10:57 pm - kids ran from party, reported by Danvers PD, mutual aid.

11:15 pm - music coming from party, River Road.

They're baaaaa-aaaaaack!

Then there are the animal follies, which, Rochester and environs being heavily populated, seldom make it into the grudging quarter-page of space allowed our Police Beat, but around the Tri-Town area seem to be more numerous, or perhaps just better reported.

To wit -

Aug. 5: 12:17 pm - (Boxford) party reports they hit a deer with their vehicle on Main Street. No damage to car, deer ran into woods.

12:17 pm - Main Street resident complaint that neighbor's dog is destroying caller's personal property.

Missing a chance at an injured deer would frustrate any dog, we think.

Aug. 6: 10:05 pm - party reports seeing baby deer on Route 97. Gone on arrival.

Did they think the deer was going to hang about waiting patiently for them?

Aug. 7: 2:23 am - fight between a raccoon and a dog reported on Washington St. ACO notified.

We live in a heavily-wooded area and there are many fights between raccoons of a summer night; we have no raccoon/dog fights here, because owners know enough to obey the leash laws. If we called the Animal Control Officer (who lives on our street), he'd forcefully tell us to get a grip and not to call him again.

From Topsfield -

Aug. 4: 10:50 am - bat in house on Alderbrook Drive.

Aug. 6: 8:35 pm - bat flew inside vehicle on Ipswich Road and Asbury Street.

Okay, we get it. Topsfield has a bat cave. Alert Bruce and Dick.

There is another part to come, but we are feeling a bit like we're sitting in heavy downtown traffic right now, so the conclusion will be along later.


Thursday, September 21, 2006


Okay, we're about to get completely tasteless again, but that's part of the reason you drop by, isn't it?

In light of this -

cooter n: The vulva.

- we're somewhat sorry that we missed this.

And, just for the heluvit, here's a picture of a mouse who knows how to use its head, courtesy of Kathy.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006


The few readers of this journal will, we are certain, agree on one thing: we seldom indulge in full-on rants. This entry will be the rare exception.

Recently, the Pope saw fit to quote from a 14th - century emperor’s text in regard to the religion of Islam and its prophet Muhammad, and the manner in which Islam may be spread. What the intentions of the Pope were are unclear and, in fact, irrelevant, save for the fact that easily inflamed adherents have once again raised a hue and cry at a perceived attack upon their beliefs.

We say this - God did not create us to go about killing each other in Her/His Name. God is not about death. If people are serious about their beliefs in God, they will eschew violence. If people are using their religion as a cover so as to attempt to dominate and dictate the beliefs of others, then they are not Godly. God meant for us to learn how to love, not how to hate.

The sixth commandment reads "Thou shalt not murder." The seventh through the tenth commandments can be distilled into the statement "Thou shalt respect one another." If believers violate these understandings, they worship a false god.

If religious leaders are incapable of controlling the behavior of their adherents either through teaching or example, they are unworthy of their leadership positions and should find a line of work more suited to them.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by utter disgust with "organized" religion. We now return to our regularly scheduled lunacy.

We are looking forward to the movie sequel of the year -

Parrots of the Caribbean: Polly’s Cracker Box, once again starring Chipper as (who else?) Captain Jack Sparrow.

Capers, caprices and cavorting from our Police Beat:


Police found beer, marijuana and two pipes at an Aug.30 party on Rensselaer Drive. The report stated that police would talk to the parents when they returned.

We would expect that to be a given. This incident will no doubt provide fodder for some lively family discussions.

East Rochester  (our favorite town - well, except for Penfield)

A man is accused of putting his arm around the neck of a female customer and then putting a knife to her throat inside China Chef restaurant, 452 W. Commercial St. The man, who reportedly threatened to kill the female customer, demanded money from the restaurant clerk. The clerk gave the suspect the tip jar from the counter and the male suspect left the store (sic). The suspect was later apprehended by the Rochester Police Department on other robbery and grand larceny charges.

Seems pretty drastic to us, threatening someone’s life in order to acquire a tip jar. This dude must have been severely down on his luck. (With his arrest, his luck has improved; 3 squares a day and no need to fend for himself - at least not on the outside.)

Someone started a fire inside a plastic garbage can at Eyer Park between 6 and 6:10 pm Sept. 1. A witness saw four young people near the garbage can in the park. Once the fire started, the witness saw the youngsters run off.

We believe that a fair inference regarding cause and effect may be drawn here. This incident may also be related to events described in this article.


An ATV was stolen from the back yard of a home on Clove Drive on Sept. 4. Two bicycles were found in the driveway where the ATV would have had to be pushed to make an exit.

Two bikes for an ATV? Hardly seems like a fair trade.


Security for the Monroe County Board of Cooperative Educational Services (BOCES) District 1 reported that between Sept. 1 and 5, someone entered the Foreman Center building on O’Connor Road, rummaged through drawers in three offices and left M&M candies scattered about. It was the second such incident at the building.

Has the legacy of Johnny Appleseed been reduced to this?!?

Here’s a curiosity from one of our local realtors - a page of twelve properties listed for sale. Eleven of the photos look like this -


The twelfth picture is different, and provides a slightly less illustrative graphic of the noted property -

We can only speculate what made this substitution necessary - did he run out of film or leave the cell phone back at the office? Couldn't he be bothered to get an actual photo of the house? Are the residents camera-shy? Or is the place such a dump that he daren't show the actual property? This appears to be a case of caveat emptor.

Lastly, we'd like to showcase another tag that Nikki has designed for us -

We love these things - never get tired of them. Thanks, Nikki.


Monday, September 11, 2006

Addendum - Tribute to Walter E. Weaver

When we first learned about the 9/11 tribute website, we were at first unable to discover much material related to Walter E. Weaver, but a new search has revealed a site of which we were heretofore unaware, so we have borrowed from that site to expand our knowledge.

This is the original site, and here is the biograpical material that gives us a better picture of this young hero who had many hopes and dreams, and traded them away so as to offer help to the victims of our national tragedy.

  Walter Weaver and his girlfriend, Shannon Faulkner, had just settled into their new home in Centereach in early September. It was a special time for them. No more apartment living, and plenty of room for their many animals, including a puppy they had adopted the week before. The couple was also looking toward the future. They were waiting to start planning a wedding until after they moved into the house and became more settled. "Now, everything's just shattered," said Faulkner, 25. The two grew up in Hicksville, although they didn't meet until seven years ago. Faulkner was at her brother's hockey game and Weaver was waiting for his turn on the ice. "I sent my mom over to get more info," recalled Faulkner. Later, she wrote him a note and left it in his mailbox at home. He called for a date and they had been together ever since. "It wasn't hard to love him," she said. With a love of animals between them, Faulkner and Weaver, 30, had a menagerie including two dogs, an iguana, turtles and birds. In fact, they took in any animal that needed help and ended up keeping them. "Every pet store in the area knows us," Faulkner said. Weaver joined the New York Police Department in 1992 and most recently with the Emergency Services Unit, Truck 3. In 1994, he helped deliver two babies a month apart, both in the Williamsbridge section of the Bronx. On Sept. 11, he was last seen rushing to the scene of the disaster with three other members of his truck. "He absolutely loved his job," Faulkner said. "There was nothing else he'd rather do." She remembers times when her brother and friends would wait for him to return home from work with stories of chasing "bad guys" or rappelling offa bridge to save a potential suicide victim. "I would always worry," she said, but Weaver would calm her - telling her that nothing was going to happen to him. He also is survived by his mother, Joan Weaver, father William Weaver, and brothers Brian and Michael Weaver.

We shall not forget Mr. Weaver, and we will continue to pay tribute to him.


Sunday, September 10, 2006

September 11 - Honoring Walter E. Weaver - the 2996

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, or one of his speechwriters, had it right -

September 11, 2001 is a day that will indeed live in infamy.

It was the day that we average Americans arrived at the stark realization that there existed people in the world who harbored so much hatred for us and our way of life that they would gladly sacrifice their own lives to take as many of us with them as possible. It was, and still is, unsettling to understand that we are, now and forever, targets only because we are who we are, and that by simply existing, we represent some sort of danger to others in this world who do not share our philosophy.

It is difficult for us to comprehend what type of mindset could encompass suicide for the sake of murder, what twisted, evil outlook could impel someone to hijack airplanes and transform them into directed IEDs. If we are to triumph, however, over barbarians who consider suicide/murder to be an honorable method of destroying their enemies, we must make the effort.

At 8:46 am on the morning of 9/11/2001, shock and horror struck the entire nation as an event that only a few had ever imagined could happen played out before our unbelieving eyes. Among the chaotic images of confusion that were thrust through the television screen into our homes, we were shown scenes of heroism unparalleled, as first responders performed their duties in the face of unimagined tragedy.

We would like to pay tribute to one of those wonderful, amazing Americans who refused to quail in the face of terror, who unselfishly relinquished his life in his unstinting and dedicated efforts to offer succor to the victims of unspeakable tragedy. He, along with the others who perished that day, demonstrated the capacity of our fellow citizens to rise to occasions that would leave others of lesser fortitude quaking and helpless.

This is a photograph of Walter E. Weaver of Centereach, New York, whom we have chosen to sponsor for no better reason than that he and I both share a first name and last initial, and a love of the outdoors. He was an officer in the Emergency Services Unit of the New York Police Department, and he died in the attack that terrible day, performing his duty as did so many others. We didn't know you, Mr. Weaver, but had we met we are sure that we would have liked you. We pray that your family is well and that you are watching over them.

We will never forget the callousness. We will always remember the heroism.


Saturday, September 9, 2006

Dedication to Each Other

This is admittedly a lazy day, hence the spate of whimsical entries. This, however, means something to us. As long-time readers may know, "our" song, early on, was "Cherish" by the Association. Prodded by Jeff, we have settled on a new song to represent us. It's an oldie but 'still' a goodie.


We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear

You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow

You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

Changing, our love is going gold 
Even though we grow old, it grows new

You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one and I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one

You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one...

We would like to dedicate this not only to each other, but to send it out to all those who feel the same. May it be ever thus.



Wascally Wabbits

This speaks for itself.

"Signs" of the Times

The Bunny Map

We are led to consider one possible explanation - perhaps these are meant to be memorials to the untimely struck - roadkill commemorations. One never knows.

Then again, perhaps it's an indication of a future invasion - the cliche "breeding like rabbits" exists for a reason.


Just Give Us That Old-Time Religion

You've heard of shotgun weddings. This story could loosely be described as 'shotgun salvation.'

People Different From Us


Saint William

Majority Leader William Frist joins the ranks of the newly canonized.

 (Alex Wong - Getty Images)

Hey, why not? It's about time, we say.


Why Do We Never Get an Answer ...?

When we used to watch the tv show "Cops", there were two questions that were invariably asked of perps after they had (literally, in most cases) been run to ground -

"What's your name?"

"Why'd you run?"

We borrowed this story from the Chicago Sun~Times for the sole purpose of pointing something out -

Man falls out of window trying to escape police

September 9, 2006


A man is in stable condition after falling out of a third-story window reportedly while trying to escape police in the East Rogers Park neighborhood late Friday night.

Police are unsure Saturday morning why the 27-year-old offender ran after being pulled over for a traffic stop for a routine seatbelt check near Birchwood and Damen Avenues about 11 p.m., according to Rogers Park District Capt. Howard Denk.

The offender ran from police and forced his way into a third floor apartment on the 7400 block of N. Sealy Ave., where he fell out of the window, Denk said.

"He should be okay," Denk added. The man was in stable condition at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston under police guard, he added.

The offender has been charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage to property, and possession of cannabis. These are all misdemeanors, Denk said. He was also wanted for a warrant in Wisconsin.

We have highlighted the perennial question in orange, and the possible answers in red. It does seem to us that if you're stopped by the police and happen to be in possession of an illegal substance, and into the bargain are being sought in another jurisdiction, you have good and sufficient reason to run.


Friday, September 8, 2006

Another Curiosity

One more story in a favorite News of the Weird category - and a local one at that.

Least Competent Criminals


For the Best in Curiosities ...

Borrowing a concept from Chuck Shepherd and his wonderfully entertaining site News of the Weird, here are a couple of stories from Reuters that tickled our funny bones this morning:

Unclear on the Concept

People Different From Us



Sunday, September 3, 2006

Prop-erly Impressed (and Irate)

This is a gratuitous prop, but what the hell - silly us, we thought we had a new visitor to our site, but it turns out that she is an old visitor; she does, however, have a new site, so we will plug it, just because we can. Drop on by the site known as Two Write Hands, where you'll meet a lady who works for a distinguished publication of long standing. You will thrill to her exploits and those of her illustrious co-workers, and you will meet the Matriarch - a formidable personage indeed.

We welcome back to blogland our friend V, who was ailing but is now on the way back to health, thanks to a few warning signs that his body thought it prudent to send him. His journal is called TO GROW IS TO BE ANXIOUS, and at the moment he is in the midst of recounting a grand old faery tale, so go send him your well-wishes.

And now -

Allow us to preface this with full disclosure - we are necessarily investors. In the absence of paychecks - items we shall likely never lay eyes or hands on again, due to our disabilities - it is the sole means that we possess of making money, at least until our Social Security and pensions kick in, events that lie eight years in the future. But we have been wage earners, and we well remember what it was like to work for our living. This fact gives us an outlook that is possibly at variance with that of other, more well-heeled investors.

With that in mind, we would like to direct your attention to this article by Ellen Simon (who we hope will not mind that we have taken the liberty of reprinting portions of her work), and to put our spin on some of the items that she has here covered.

Workers who don't work on a farm and aren't supervisors are making, on average, $22.69 more a week than they did last year, according to the Labor Department.

What this means to us - the average worker is earning a gross wage that has increased by $1,180 per year. It seems like a reasonable sum, but not all workers will earn that much, and a goodly amount of that total will be eaten away by taxes and other fees, leaving substantially less for the worker to pocket.

But that raise is making some investors twitchy.

What this means to us - some investors are greedy and uncaring about wage earners.

Year-over-year increases in average wages are the steepest since the summer of 2001. After 17 quarters of double-digit growth in corporate profits while wages stayed flat, average workers may finally get a scrap of the economic expansion now in its fifth year.

What this means to us - For four year and three months before the present quarter, corporations have been earning fistfuls of money, while paying their workers little to nothing. Corporations have not even been spending most of those profits on upkeep and other necessities; they have been investing that cash in search of profits on profits. Finally, in the third quarter of 2006, the little gal or guy is finally getting a break.

The bad news is that wage increases could push prices higher.

What this means to us - in the aggregate, a small amount of extra spending money in each worker’s pocket will substantially increase the amount of money not under the control of corporations, thereby forcing them to raise prices so as to reacquire that cash, once again reducing the amount that individuals will be able to spend.

The Federal Reserve's biggest concern about workers while their weekly earnings were flat was whether they would keep spending enough money to power the economy.

What this means to us - the Fed expected that workers whose earnings were flat would still bear the burden of keeping the economy afloat, even though they were treading water instead of moving ahead. Corporations earning substantial profits should not have been expected to do their part to support the economy.

"tightness in the labor market and the rate of increase in average hourly earnings should continue to cause concern at the Fed about upside risks to inflation."

What this means to us - more money in workers’ pockets will most likely lead to inflation, probably caused by corporations raising prices to compensate for losing some of their profits to their workers’ paychecks. Creator forbid that corporations should have to lose cash to make their employees’ lives a little easier.

rising compensation costs should be a drag on corporate profitability.

What this means to us - investors will be hurt because lower profits will mean a slight decrease in the earning power of their investments. Wage earners be damned - the investors, as putative owners of the corporation, are all-important.

The article goes on to explain in more detail what we have covered here; the copy that we read in our morning paper was substantially abridged, and caused us to search online for the original (if newspapers wonder why they are losing readers to the Web, this is the logical answer - to make room for more advertising and to save costs on newsprint, media conglomerates are depriving readers of the full impact and insights of the partial articles that they choose to print.)

Sorry, we just felt the need to vent.