Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Tri-Town Area Extraordinary Police Blotter Extravaganza (Part 1)

We’d like to mention that we’re going to miss Kathy’s entries; she is entering a sabbatical period and will not be writing in her journal for awhile. We will anxiously be awaiting her eventual return to J-land. We send our blessings and best wishes to her, and hope that others of you will do the same. In the meantime, she has kindly sent us a wealth of material that, we believe, she meant us to scrutinize with the object of rendering it in our own (hopefully unique) fashion.

Police blotters often include, amidst the dross of domestic squabbles, valuables and vehicles stolen, and countless DUIs, rare gems of oddities that we cannot seem to refrain from commenting upon. Without further ado, we offer up a special out-of-town entry, herewith entitled

The Tri-Town Area (Boxford, Middleton, Topsfield, MA) Extraordinary Police Blotter Extravaganza

(These entries are taken from the estimable local journal Village Reporter, covering events in the Tri-Town area - instead of organizing them by date and/or town, we prefer to categorize them by occurrence and topic, because that method seems to offer a more cohesive layout than might otherwise be the case.)

To begin - some individual entries can be seen to form a logical sequence, as in this instance (from Middleton) -

Aug. 4: 10:30 pm - resident complains of loud party on Emerson Lane.

Aug. 5: 12:05 am - noise complaint, Emerson Lane, nothing found.

We must presume that the party broke up.

Or this (also from Middleton) -

Aug. 2: 9:49 pm - attempted to serve restraining order on River Road.

Aug. 3: 7:29 am - restraining order served on River Road.

Evidently the party was out for most of the night. We applaud the persistence of the police.

This sequence indicates that some individual or group had a busy day in Boxford -

Aug. 3: 6:43 am - Lakeshore road resident reports that air conditioning unit at house was paintballed overnight.

7:20 am - Lakeshore Road resident complaint that vehicle and house had been paintballed.

2:06 pm - residence paintballed on Lakeshore Road.

7:12 pm - Lakeshore Road residence reported paintballed.

7:18 pm - residence on Lakeshore Road hit with paintballs.

We're guessing that the reporter grew tired of finding various ways to describe identical incidents. And someone really had issues with the residents of Lakeshore Road.

In Middleton, the East Street beach would appear to be sacrosanct -

Aug. 1: 4:59 pm - officers asked non-resident to leave town beach area on East St.

6:20 pm - resident reports dogs on town beach, gone when police arrived.

Aug. 2: 7:05 pm - caller reported to Animal Control, three dogs running around beach on East St. Party leaving when Sgt. Jones arrived.

And also in the non-resident category -

Aug. 2: 12:23 pm - resident reports people jumping off Thunder Bridge and parking lot crowded with non-residents.

Damn those dogs and non-residents!

We must wonder if there is any correlation here, also from Middleton -

Aug. 9: 3:45 pm - skateboarders asked to move along from sidewalk on Lake St.

Aug. 10: 7:00 am - malicious destruction on Lake St.

This has to be our favorite sequence, from Topsfield -

Aug. 12: 9:59 pm - loud party, River Road.

10:20 pm - noise complaint, River Road.

10:43 pm - River Road complaint, music turned back on after officer leaves.

10:57 pm - kids ran from party, reported by Danvers PD, mutual aid.

11:15 pm - music coming from party, River Road.

They're baaaaa-aaaaaack!

Then there are the animal follies, which, Rochester and environs being heavily populated, seldom make it into the grudging quarter-page of space allowed our Police Beat, but around the Tri-Town area seem to be more numerous, or perhaps just better reported.

To wit -

Aug. 5: 12:17 pm - (Boxford) party reports they hit a deer with their vehicle on Main Street. No damage to car, deer ran into woods.

12:17 pm - Main Street resident complaint that neighbor's dog is destroying caller's personal property.

Missing a chance at an injured deer would frustrate any dog, we think.

Aug. 6: 10:05 pm - party reports seeing baby deer on Route 97. Gone on arrival.

Did they think the deer was going to hang about waiting patiently for them?

Aug. 7: 2:23 am - fight between a raccoon and a dog reported on Washington St. ACO notified.

We live in a heavily-wooded area and there are many fights between raccoons of a summer night; we have no raccoon/dog fights here, because owners know enough to obey the leash laws. If we called the Animal Control Officer (who lives on our street), he'd forcefully tell us to get a grip and not to call him again.

From Topsfield -

Aug. 4: 10:50 am - bat in house on Alderbrook Drive.

Aug. 6: 8:35 pm - bat flew inside vehicle on Ipswich Road and Asbury Street.

Okay, we get it. Topsfield has a bat cave. Alert Bruce and Dick.

There is another part to come, but we are feeling a bit like we're sitting in heavy downtown traffic right now, so the conclusion will be along later.



mymaracas said...

Geez oh man, what a hotbed of criminality and evil. Where's the SWAT team when ya need it?

mutualaide said...

ROFLOL!  Traffic?  On your street?  'Cause we know it ain't in the Tri-Towns!