Saturday, February 25, 2006

Wintry Mix

  < courtesy of

Following is a post originally from June 28th of last year:

I love women. Most particularly, I love Bonnie. Without my wife (the other half of who I am), I honestly don't know what would have become of me. Our marriage was undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I cannot imagine what my life might have become without her. She filled a hole that I didn't even realize existed. Marriage has been, in large part, a roller coaster ride, as I'm sure it has been for every married person who has discovered this journal, but, as in every roller coaster ride, the car eventually returns to the beginning and the ride is over. The exhilaration of the ride remains, but I am glad that the ride is over, and I can settle into the contentment that indicates that I have survived the ride.

True, lasting love is one of the most marvelous miracles that the Creator has bequeathed to us.

I have much, much more to say upon this topic, but for now this will have to suffice. Bonnie, I love you.

Little did I realize then that the 'coaster ride is never over. However, the rest still pertains.

Some of you may be wondering why events have not yet satisfactorily resolved themselves. There is, in NY at least, a medical Catch-22 in the matter of mental health. People who feel that they may be depressed can and will be admitted to the hospital, but only on their own recognizance or that of a qualified professional. Family members CANNOT admit them, presumably because there are people who would commit their spouses or relatives just to get them out of the way for awhile. If a depressed individual refuses to seek medical help, there is nothing a family member can do. The only exception to the rule is this - if a depressed individual represents a danger to her/himself or others, the individual may then be forcibly committed under the mental hygiene law.

This is how it has gone in previous episodes. Immediately upon becoming noticeably ill, Bonnie comes to an almost complete stop. She will not or cannot leave the house, either because she becomes agoraphobic or paranoid. This militates against procuring any immediate help for her, because even her therapist and psychiatrist prefer that she come to the office before she is admitted. To add to the conundrum, the clinic that she attended four years ago has moved and changed its name, and the personnel may not even be the same. I may have to wait until she becomes so paranoid that her unstable condition is easily apparent to the EMTs, at which point the ambulance will take her to emergency.

I have tried to talk to her during her lucid periods, explaining that the decision is hers, that if she wants help, she must get dressed and come with me to the hospital. She says she understands, but she takes no action that could be construed as acceptance. This is the worst possible outcome, and is hardest on the both of us, but it seems to be inevitable that this is how events will play out.

On the upside, for those who do not already know, I summoned up enough grim determination Friday to make a late-night foray to Wegmans. There is yet one store reasonably close to us that has not been remodeled into a megamart, and, having exhausted my energy on a fruitless search for a grocery delivery service and most of the food in the house, I decided that 'a man has to do what a man has to do,' and got myself hence. It was a success, and our larder is once again full. Luckily I know from long experience what tidbits will entice Bonnie into consuming something, and it has been encouraging - she is nibbling more frequently.

Having completed a major shopping successfully, I will have to make more frequent trips so that I do not have to again return home with 20 bags of groceries, and suffer such exhaustion that I fall flat on my face while attempting to shorten the number of trips to and from the car. As you may imagine, right now I am stiffer than an ancient drunk who has found a $100 bill. (Sorry, that seems to be the extent of the humor that I can muster up.)

That's the forecast for now, my friends. Once again, I thank you for your marvelous support and all your kind words. It makes my task much, much easier to know that you are pulling for us.

A puzzle will appear as scheduled later today. Until then,



gdireneoe said...

Oh Malt...

mutualaide said...

Just this morning I was thinking on a another Catch22 in life.  Mal (and Bonnie) you know we are here routing for you and if it helps at all to know -- we have pretty much the same situation here with MH admissions.  While one can understand why it is, it doesn't make it any easier.  So glad you posted part of the other entry.  You are a fortunate couple to have each other.

sunnyside46 said...

so, you made it over one difficult hurdle.
I think that is so bizarre that you have to be lucid enough to admit you are not rational to get help.
I have a neice  in her early 30s who has bipolar disease.Every now and thenseh refuses to take her meds. She is an adult and so cannot be forced to. She will wander around in bad neighborhoods and she can not be stopped from that either.
Do you have anyone who can help you?
What was it like to be out of the house after so long?

fitzzer said...

I'm so happy to hear you were able to get to the store. I know how difficult this must be for both of you.

tsgerkin said...

Mal, please forgive me, but all this time I thought you were the only one with an illness. I had no idea that Bonnie also suffers.  If I could, I would wrap my arms around both of you and let you know that I care and I understand.  

When life gives you lemons, I can see now that you find a way to turn them into lemon aid.  Good for you Mal and Bonnie.  Know that you are both in my prayers...




I love this poem too!  And I want so badly to ask if I can steal it as well, but I don't want to over extend my stealing grants.