Weather Report

Global warming, climate change - call it what you will, there is something occurring to our environment that is unsettling at best. In upstate New York, it is almost January 30th, normally the height of midwinter. At 11:21 pm, it is 50 degrees and there is absolutely no snow on the ground. The local weather news includes the fact that there are early blossoms beginning to appear, and they have facetiously issued an "earthworm alert", meaning that earthworms are indeed appearing above ground.

This "strange days" weather report has been brought to you by the good folks at -

Remember, as the legend so proudly boasts, "OUR MEATS ARE FRESHLY CUT"

Herewith the "Special Cuts" edition -

"Cut Me Up?" Hey, aren't the butchers supposed to do that? What happened to "Our Meats are..."

They can't cut up their meat but they can cut up their pasta? Huh?

Now this we can understand, but still .... they are butchers ...

Ahhhh ... it all becomes clear. Who has time to butcher meats when there are all those cold cuts to be sliced?

And then there's -

After carefully inserting, probing deeply with, and then withdrawing his digit from his nostril, Harold receives an astonishing revelation.

Bonnie, who has been watching The Food Network, remarks "Good Eats!"

Peace.

Bon & Mal's Weekly Sunday Puzzle Page

This puzzle is brought to you by the OAS - Orthopedic Appliance Salesmen.

Bonnie has once again whipped up one of her fine confections for your delectation - but first, the answer to last week's 'Rungs' -

SAIL

MAIL

MALL

MALE

MILE

MITE

KITE

As we have stated previously, there are alternate words that can be used to provide the progression, so as long as the chain of words is of the same length, you can be confident in having solved the puzzle.

Onward to today's 'Rungs' -

MASH

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _

PULP

Bonnie wishes you to know that she could have shortened the list if she had included 'pule' as one of the words, but she preferred to avoid using a less than common word.

And, for kids who might like to try 'Rungs', she has created these three smaller versions -

HEAD                    PATH                    SAME

_ _ _ _                 _ _ _ _                _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _                 _ _ _ _                _ _ _ _

FEET                     LANE                     LIKE

Of course, if you like, you may do these also.

This is a joke especially for Celeste, because we suspect it's one she will enjoy.

A husband and his wife were accustomed to going to Church each Sunday, but as the man had a bad habit of falling asleep during the service, his wife decided to bring a knitting needle with her to prod him awake.

Sure enough, the man began to nod off, and his wife poked him just as the priest asked "Who is our Lord and Savior?" The man, startled by the sudden pain, jumped up and exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" The priest complimented him for being so enthusiastic as the man sat down, feeling sheepish. As the priest droned on, the man drifted toward sleep again, and his wife stuck him once more just as the priest asked "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Again the man leapt to his feet and yelled "Good God!" The priest again voiced his approval and the man reclaimed his seat.

Lulled anew by the soothing tone of the priest's voice, the man fell asleep for a third time. His wife, becoming irritated, gave him a swift, sharp jab as the priest asked "What did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" The man rose to his feet with alacrity and shouted "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO BREAK IT IN HALF!"

Peace.

Stealing a Theme From Celeste

Questions Without Answers -

     1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it ?

     2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

     3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

     4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

     5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the legend "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think we're going to try to stuff into that slot?

     6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with the vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

     7. How do those dead bugs manage to get into closed light fixtures?

     8. Considering all the lint that collects in the dryer, if you kept drying your clothes, would they eventually disappear?

     9. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open at the end you first try?

    10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with their cart, then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "That's all right." ? Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt!" ?

    11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is directly proportional to the distance between the items and the curb?

    13. In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it the way your wife suggested you should?

    16. The statistics on sanity indicate that one out of four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think about your three best friends - if they're okay, then it must be you.

Two morons meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big sack labeled 'chickens.'

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if'n I guess how many chickens you got there, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the sack, "if'n you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses "Ummm.......... five?"

(Material borrowed from a humor website)

Peace.

 

 

Bonnie's Contribution of the Day

Inspired by today's Cathy Guisewhite strip -

The revenge of the old folk:

"Just wait. You'll get yours."

Today they were showing a graphic on CNBC - "Boomer Nation: The Long Strange Trip."

From Woodstock Nation to Boomer Nation - is this a good thing?

Peace.

'Tis the Second Bon & Mal's Bonus Monday Puzzle Page

The puzzle today is brought to you by the fine folks at:

Twinings(R) of London and their still-acceptable product, Black Currant (Artificially Flavoured) Black Tea. (C'mon. Has the price of currants gone up that much?)

First, a tip o' the crossword pen toward those diligent scientists of the Land Down Under, for daring to conduct a study of this apparently blindingly obvious datum:

From USA Weekend -

A recent Australian study shows that those who sit six or more hours a day at work are more likely to be overweight than those with active jobs.

Thank goodness they've cleared that up.

Here is this week's JS.

Today's puzzle is quite easy, although we may at any given time drop a devilishly difficult one upon you. The journaler's screen name, the name of her blogspot journal, and the condition with which she lives are featured in the anagram/fill-in portion.

We're giving special mention to Celeste for being the only one to send us actual proof that she completed one of the puzzles. One other person, Vicki, furnished proof that she had finished her own puzzle.

Puzzles #6, 7 and 8 were respectively Vicki, Lori, and Christina.

Lastly, for a glimpse of life in Rochester, we offer this little item from yesterday's D&C:

WOMAN FINDS SUSPECT IN TRASH

A woman taking out the garbage got a surprise Saturday afternoon when she opened the can and found a man inside. He turned out to be a bank robbery suspect.

A Rochester Police Officer was able to capture the suspect a few streets over from Ashwood Drive, where he had been hiding.

Citizens Bank in Waring Road Plaza (incidentally, the same plaza in which the N.Y. State Office of Unemployment is located) was robbed about 11 a.m. when two men entered and passed a note to a teller. No weapon was displayed, and the teller gave the men an undetermined amount of money.

The suspects fled on foot. One of them was quickly caught by a police officer. Police were called back about 2:45 p.m. for the garbage-can suspect. The man in the can (wish I'd written that) was charged with robbery along with the other suspect.

One hopes the woman had the presence of mind to smack the clown with her bag of garbage before he fled. Ah, the unhappy life of a practitioner of clumsy crime.

Peace.

Bon & Mal's Ever-Lovin' Weekly Sunday Puzzle Page

Never in all the long years that we have spent traveling to this year of 2006, soon to be our 57th, did we ever even entertain the notion that we would be creating puzzles - on the internet, no less. We who, in our earliest years, did not even have televisions, but listened to tabletop radios, are not yet too old to immerse ourselves in this relatively new medium and attempt to be, if not exactly useful, at least mildly entertaining. It is still, may always be, an amazement to us.

Here is the answer to last week's 'Rungs' puzzle:

FLOCK

CLOCK

CHOCK

CHECK

CHEEK

CHEEP

SHEEP

Bonnie, bless her heart, has created another 'Rungs', in a loving attempt to relieve me of the "drudgery" of working on this week's Journal Sudoku (I used to date a girl named Sue Dohkoo; she was an unsolvable enigma. I also used to date a girl named Sue Barue - she drove me crazy. OK, I'll stop now before it gets ugly and someone decides to sue me.)

We'll post the 'Rungs' now and tomorrow we'll post the JS.

SAIL

----

----

----

----

----

KITE

May your Sunday and the week ahead be a blessed and wonderful one, and may hope never die.

Peace.

 

AARGH! Tagged Again

We've been tagged by the one and only Deanna to reveal Five Guilty Pleasures - so:

     1. Take-out prime rib from the Winfield Grill

     2. Chocolate milk and cheezkurls

     3. Early retirement

     4. TV 12/7

     5. Internet 12/7

     6. (Bonus - those damn snowflakes!)

We see that Lori and Celeste have already been tagged, so we'll tag -

Ayn

Christina (turnabout is fair play)

Kathy

Lisa

Tamara

We specifically exempt Gabreael, for which she will be eternally grateful.

For those of you who enjoy reading books on finance, here is one we know you'll derive something from:

The Battle for the Soul of Capitalism, by John Bogle

Peace.