Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Bonnie's Catalog Curio Closet Part 2 and Walt's Complaint Corner

One more holiday item - the text is unfortunately blurry, but here’s the wording from the catalog -

"This delightful ornament will be the ‘talk’ of the holiday party. 4" ball blinks its eyes, shouts at you and then plays "Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree."

It "blinks its eyes and shouts at you." Does anyone else find this unutterably creepy?

"Designed to replace kitchen string ..."

Why? Kitchen string is perfectly good and it’s inexpensive. It certainly doesn’t cost $2.50 per piece. This is simply uneconomical.

Here are a few items that I found to be of some slight interest -

One of our fondest dreams is to pay $4 for the privilege of following a naturalist around and staring at little piles of turkey shit. Ayup.

Here’s something else we want to spend our money on - moseying through a cemetery in the dark, staring at the graves of famous Rochestarians, followed by the scarfing down of refreshments. NOT.

A special East Rochester supplement - how to humiliate children and seniors.


 Nothing says you value your youngsters quite like bedizening them with reptiles and allowing them to be bitten on the nose.


A masterpiece of humiliation, to be preserved forever. First force the child to participate in an activity reeking of embarrassment, and then call forceful attention to his utter abasement.

As for the seniors -


Please, please, please, respect your seniors! You may be a senior someday!

These are, of course, captioned with tongue firmly in cheek; it's obvious that all involved participated joyously in their shameful humiliation.

And lastly, this -

"... a dish to pass plus their own place setting." Our question for the caseworker is, "Why should we go at all? We can get that at home."

And now it's time for Walt's Complaint Corner.

When we were young, toothbrushes consisted of a handle and bristles.

Razors consisted of a handle, a head, and a blade.

Air fresheners consisted of a jar of scented fluid, a metal framework and absorbent material.

Have you looked at the modern versions? They're electronic marvels, loaded with tiny chips and (I haven't done the research here, but I'm guessing) requiring massive amounts of batteries, and costing much more than we want to spend on such things. This is progress?

Good night and sweet dreams.




queenb8261 said...

Someone actually gave my motherinlaw one of those stupid talking ornaments.  She's 93 and of pretty sound mind. It just doesn't take much to entertain her.  LOL I LOVE the photo of the lady with the "Straw hat".  God, I hope I'm never in a comedy fashion show. If I am, just lead me back to my wheelchair quietly. LOLOL
Have a good one.

mymaracas said...

I have one of those ornament things! And yes, it is creepy! It is also way too heavy to hang on a tree, unless you've pilfered a California redwood. (It was a gift from my mother in law. We won't go there.)

I don't think our generation is gonna stand for Stupid Senior Tricks when we get to the Home. We will, however, cheerfully take our meds. And consider this: If senior centers continue to pipe in music from the residents' youth, we Boomers will be rockin' to Jimmy Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Rolling Stones, Van Halen, Steppenwolf ... wow, man. Groovy.

Thanks for a fun read!


mtrib2 said...

An interesting and comical group of photos and articles depicting twenty first century highlights  lol.    The plug in wall socket air freshners have been responsible for setting homes on fire ( I think it is the Glade ones )    Hope you and Bonnie have a good weekend.      mark

mutualaide said...

I'll take Zweigle's hots any day!  Don't you dare send anything else! LOL

Hots tonight with B&M baked beans and B&M brown bread.  Yummy!