Friday, November 24, 2006

Bonnie's Catalog Curio Closet - Special Edition

It's that time of the year again - the season when folks are filled with holiday cheer. Retailers, of course, are eager to augment those warm feelings, as people filled with cheer tend to spend more money. A few companies have discovered ways to maximize the experience, to wit -

Nothing says "fill 'er up" like this nifty little item. Top off your tank, and then hop in the car and head off to the gas station. Always assuming that you manage to make it there in one piece.

When the servants are all in bed and your bartender has gone to visit his kindly, doddering grandmum, who's going to do for you when you can't even stand, let alone navigate a straight line to the liquor cabinet? Never fear, this dandy item will solve all your difficulties. Now all you'll have to worry about is making it to the bathroom in time.

This is an astonishingly brilliant concept. Stolen from the venerated game Chutes and Ladders, this game board has only 36 squares, perfect for you and up to five of your drunken friends to amuse yourselves while suffering the loss of up to 75% of your brain cells. An added level of suspense may be experienced if a player's diminution of motor skills causes him to slam his tumbler down onto the glass board, shattering it into a myriad of sharp, almost invisible pieces. Hilarity will ensue as players attempt to locate and retrieve the shards without serious injury.

In the same vein, here is the tale of a really dumb criminal -

Please, kids, remember - don't drink and mow.

Peace.

Bonnie and Walt

3 comments:

queenb8261 said...

Great gifts for those alcoholics who have everything!
Barb  

mtrib2 said...

I think I will save my money and forego these handy gifts!      Gifts are not provided with the misery, that is extra.      mark

mutualaide said...

Oh hell, someone beat me to the marketing of these products!