TOSSED SALADPepperoncini - Just for grins, I checked out the Googlism website yesterday (borrowed from Cynthia), and it was quite entertaining. The list was much too long to include here, but this entry, I think, matches well. "Malcolm is an incoherent thing of theatrical shreds and patches." This is a shorter version, obtained by using the search term "Malcolmis" (courtesy of Celeste) : Malcolm is ...
... less warrior prince than California surfer boy.
... key criticism.
... an historian specializing in seventeenth century English constitutional history.
... waiting for his paperwork to be completed.
... currently Head of the English Language Unit at Arabian Gulf University, Manama, Bahrain.
... more attractive than the current housing market.
... our seven year old son.
... better off asleep.
... still alive.
Lettuce - (These next two sections are for Lori, for whom they should bring back memories.)
Sad to say, our local home-improvement center and a large piece of the Wegmans empire, Chase-Pitkin, has lost the battle and the war against the forces of the big-box generals, Lowe’s and Home Depot. All of the stores are slated to be closed, and Wegmans will now concentrate on expanding its core business, groceries and food service. It remains to be seen whether Wegmans can continue to hold its own against the price-slashing strategy of Wal-Mart. (Unhappily, there will be no more incidents of the popular pastime of chasing Pitkins.)
Tomatoes -Also sad to relate is the impending bankruptcy of another local institution of 40 years or so, Hill TV. Back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, they ran a series of commercials featuring , at one time or another, most of the members of the Hill family, and they became famous for their tagline (which also became a local buzzline) "... because ... when they’re gone, they’re gone." Lamentably, due to the likes of Wal-Mart, Circuit City and Best Buy, the time has come to say "... they’re gone."
Red Onions -From the Democrat & Chronicle ‘Police Beat’: A 34-year-old Penfield man was arrested by Monroe County sheriff deputies and charged with robbery and reckless endangerment about 4 p.m. Sept. 25. Deputies said the man took three DVDs from the Wal-Mart at 1200 Marketplace Drive and walked out of the store. When approached by security guards, he fought with two guards and got to his vehicle with one of the guards hanging onto him. The man pulled away in his vehicle with the guard holding onto the vehicle and him, then struck two parked cars, throwing them both from the vehicle, deputies said. The guard was unhurt but the suspect suffered a cut to his head. As Bonnie said to me, "Wal-Mart, at the least, should give that guard a raise. That was above and beyond the call of duty." Yes, it certainly was, and they definitely should.
Cucumbers -On the lighter side, also from the ‘Police Beat’: While working at a home on Erie Drive at 11:50 a.m. Sept. 21 a roofing contractor saw his client inside his house waving a handgun and yelling obscenities. The roofer called 911 and the homeowner left the scene. Several guns were confiscated from the home. The homeowner said he was joking when he was waving the gun. No charges were filed.
It seems to me that, if you own a collection of guns, the last thing you want to do is wave them around while shouting obscenities. It looks bad.
Croutons -Penultimately, I admit to feeling frustrated. I have plucked from the ether the first line of a joke that holds the possibility of being quite humorous, but, try as I might, I cannot complete it; the full joke maliciously eludes me. So I’m going to throw this first line out, in hopes that one of our readers can supply what’s missing:
"A mime and a blind man walk into a bar ..."
The joke, of course, would have to be on the bartender. Have fun with it, and if you come up with something, I beg of you to let me know.Catalina dressing - Lastly, a demonstration of what Bonnie and I have come to think of as "a more perfect union" - last night, before retiring, I asked Bonnie if there was anything that I could bring her, and at first she said, "No, I’m all set." Then, as I began to shuffle away, she said "Umm ...Could I have some more water, please?" An idea occurred to me and I turned to face her, with a gleam in my eye and a slow smile spreading across my lips, and, knowing as she does how my mind works, she divined my thought as if by telepathy, and we spoke in unison - "a lass and a lack!" This, I think, is what marriage is supposed to be.