Monday, July 25, 2005

Anatomy of a Journal (Part 2)

In the course of reviewing my early entries (I would love to know how many others have done this from time to time - perhaps this might be a basis for an essay) I have noticed that, even in my first 'official' entry, I included the word "create." I have gradually come to believe that this was a deliberate, if unconscious, insertion inspired by the Spirit. As I started to reveal more pieces of myself, references to the Creator crept in more often, and incrementally began to account for a larger number of the entries. I feel now that the Spirit was the true impetus for, first, the origin of my story and also the Diatoms, and second, the creation and continuation of this journal. In the journal I have undergone a gradual transition from casual unbeliever to devotee, as my early readers know.

There are two themes that lately form an undercurrent to many of my entries, themes that are close to my heart and that I believe to be intertwined so closely as to be almost indistinguishable.

True love is one. The peace, the contentment, the warmth that come from knowing true love are marvelous emotions to experience. The communion of partners who have the security of true love is incomparable. Those who are able to attain this state are recipients of a wondrous blessing. And the experience encompasses one's whole being, emotional, spiritual and physical.

Can there be any doubt from whence this blessing springs? When we are granted the gift of true love, can we deny that there exists a Creator Who has made it possible?

(This seems a felicitous place to insert a small paragraph which I recently wrote, with the intention of making of it an essay, but I couldn't expand upon it, try as I might; I still think it is worthy of consideration. Perhaps someone will pick up the thread and weave a marvelous tapestry from it) -

"Would you give someone a gift without knowing what it was or if it could harm the recipient? If not, how can one give oneself in love to another without first knowing oneself? And yet it seems to happen all too frequently. I myself did not know to ask this question when I was young. It is only now, in hindsight, that I realize what a crucial question it is."

I will continue, occasionally, to praise the Creator (God, God/dess, Spirit, Allah, call the Divine what you wish, they are all the same Being) in the journal; after all, my life has become, as I have previously mentioned, so much better since the Spirit entered in and demonstrated to me that I possess an immortal soul. In the beginning, the visitations were tangential and unrecognized, but as I began to reveal my beliefs here, they have become more direct, in a fashion that I cannot easily explicate, except to say that, since I have recognized the existence and presence of the Creator, the periodic depressions that I recently underwent (yes, you will find them in the journal, too) have disappeared, and each morning, upon awakening, when I thank the Creator for a new day, I am filled with a feeling of peace and contentment that I never imagined to be possible. For this, I shall be ever grateful.

I wish to quickly add anew that I am not attempting to proselytize, unlike a certain brainless and excitable actor, famous mainly for his fortunate genes and his bizarre views on psychiatry. (I don't generally advocate violence, but he deserves a solid fist to the genitals, followed by a double fist to the back of the head when he doubles over.) I believe that all souls must come to the Creator in their own way, at their own time. I am simply compelled to witness my beliefs from time to time, and I hope that it doesn't bore the hell out of you.

(To be continued)




1 comment:

oceanmrc said...

It sounds like you've been very fortunate indeed.