Sunday, November 13, 2005

Bon & Mal's Weekly Sunday Puzzle Page

(This page sponsored by the National Rhinitis Association. "Rhinitis! Catch it today!")

Heard on the local news last night: "GOOD NEWS! No one won the MegaMillions lottery tonight!" We presume that the "good news" is that we now have a chance at missing out on even more money when they next hold the lottery. Oh joy.

And now:

For any new visitors, we'll reiterate the directions - each column, row and block of nine boxes must contain only one of the listed letters. If you solve the puzzle correctly, the name of a J-lander will appear in the puzzle (hint: the name is always located on the diagonal). The anagram/fill-in portion features the journaler's name and his screen name (whoa - another hint! Aren't we feeling generous today?)

A joke before we go -

A harried young stockbroker, desperately attempting to find a way to earn more commissions, looked up from his work to find a well-groomed, nattily dressed individual watching him. The broker said "Excuse me? Why are you watching me?" In a mellifluous voice, the man sang "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste .... Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name."

The broker said "Oh, ok, I know who you are. What do you want?"

The devil replied "Your soul, of course. In return, I will arrange it so that you will never lack for commissions, and when you die, you will end up here." The devil turned his palm toward the ceiling, and upon it there appeared a holographic image of a high-end gentlemen's club, with freely flowing liquor, exotic dancers and men in rolled-up shirtsleeves and loosened ties merrily carousing.

The broker said "Can this be true?"

"Oh, yes" the devil said. "I never lie."

The broker said "It's a deal! You can have my soul."

"Done." pronounced the devil.

In the fullness of time, nature took its course, and the broker passed away. Arriving at the gates of Hell, he waited expectantly for the promised reward. The gates swung wide, but instead of the promised vision, he saw naught but lakes of boiling mud filled with screaming humans, lit only by the flickering of flames.

In a cloud of sulfurous vapor, the devil appeared and said "Welcome." The broker, distraught, said "What's this? Where is the vision you promised?"

The devil laughed and said "Before you were a prospect. Now you're a client."

Peace.

7 comments:

gdireneoe said...

OOO...good one.  This reminds me of that movie with Tom Cruise and Al Pacino...Tom is an attorney and goes to work at Pacino's "firm"...good twist. ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

gdireneoe said...

LMAO!...rhinitis...been there...no fun. ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

shellys555 said...

Hi, Thanks for adding yourself to my Frappr map. You said I left a comment once on your blog (this one, I assume?), tho I don't recall being here before. Something must've brought me here, perhaps a mention of my blog or I saw a link somewhere. With over 250 blogs that I read regularly (perhaps more when I add in my LiveJournals friends list), I don't comment often on more than 5 or 6. I don't have the time for more.

I just looked around here a bit and it's interesting, but not really my cuppa. Thanks again for your comment on my map thingie, though.

louie0768 said...

And such is life.

Hey, am I to assume that if you won the lottery that you will reward graciously if we win your puzzle....heheehe. Just kidding. If I won the lottery? I wouldn't tell anyone. I would be greedy!!!!!!! Then I would tell about it in my journal after all my winnings were safely secured.

fitzzer said...

I never seem to get any numbers when I play. Hope you hit the big one!

mymaracas said...

LOL Great joke!

I always try think of "no winner" as good news in the lottery. It just means your prize is meant to be bigger.
;)

sunnyside46 said...

I won 5  dollars once, I bought a beer and another ticket
Marti